I hate internet quizzes.............................................:



THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
Pop Will Eat Itself
Use Your Delusions
Hallucinogens Suck

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
My hands
Eyes?

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
My face
My Stoop
Absolute non-existence of body hair

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
People
Waking up one day in The Land of No Nicotine
Getting Hurt

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
Mae ( a call, an sms, an email, anything..)
A packet of Wills Navycuts
my phone


THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
My sad face
Boxers
Tee-shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (currently speaking):
The Doors
Smashing Pumpkins
Erykah Badu

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently speaking):
Disarm-pumpkins
We could be so good together-the doors
I miss you-everything but the girl feat. Sade mix

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Humour
Cuddles
Comfortable silences

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I like my life
Gandhiji wore bi-focals
Yamini swings both ways

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
Reading
Writing
Checkin out trivia on the net n dropping it in conversations like it was something I knew all my life

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
Mae (grin)
leave home
finish my book

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
Writer (fiction, music reviews, life and travel journalism, script writing, essays on social things)
Gigallow
House-wife

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Amsterdam
Hawaii
Manali

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU DON'T LIKE:
Karate Kid
Omanakuttan
Vijayakumar

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Travel
Publish my book
Get picked first for any kind of sports team

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
Womb envy
I hate meaningful conversations when im sober
I stand and pee

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
I love Shahrukh Khan romances (ssshhhhh!)
I have tits
I hate meaningful conversations when im sober

The Tree of Euphesims...............:

i doubt if many of us realize the shade we live in...the comfort of standing under the tree of Euphesims, shielded from the sunny glare of reality...look at me for example..i explain myself and everything ive become in one easy word- 'underchiever'...i cn see u grinning but comfortable isnt it..? its a lot better than saying, to use a word off the top of my head, loser...or failure..'underachiever' kind of carries the promise of ability...'underachiever' sez ur pretty smart n u havnt achieved what u ought to given ur talent..we all do it..v pick up one of these tags along the way and stick em on our foreheads n become it..we believe it, and it kinda becomes true for us...when i hit twelth grade and my grades started slipping once the need for hard work and actual preparation came in ( a dyslexic can perform above average till twelth grade without much effort), i looked around and found one-'underachiever'...nice..just right for my ego, to let me lounge in my lethargy without pricks of consience...i 'chose' not to be competitive..i have the brains...but it was too ordinary...i can even go so far as to interpret it as the eccentricity of a genius..a brilliant mind who wanted not the cheap thrills of mundane competition, but the secret pleasures of high thought and epicurian living...underachiever..its a security-blanket... a nice one...but now im wondering..those 2 dreaded words that put u on the treacherous path to self-discovery..that bastard road to perdition, if i may.."what if?" what if i had tried? what then? would i have come out any better than average? of course..! really? well, hey im doing the world a favour really..surely theres too many poeple rushing about without a second to "stand and stare"? surely i come as a breath of fresh air in this MBA-obsessed nation..? this land of self-promoting chest-thumping mr.which-IIM-should-i-go-to-oh-god's...? an iconoclast, an anarchist..? a rebel..?
if you say so, but 'what if?'...hmm, un uncomfortable question..so unaccustomed to discomfort, me..where's my couch of excuses..? i need to relax...i had a long day...


"you wont understand who they thought i was supposed to be...
look at me now, im a man who wont let himself be..."
-Down In A Hole, Alice In Chains

The Tyler Durden Club...............................................:


Violence is a pleasure thats been derided way too unfairly...Just like the moral police has us in double minds about pre-marital sex and monogamy and pot...they denied us violence too..ur moral science teacher tells you, "violence is evil"..and you ask,"whys that?"..."because mr.gandhiji said so"...because the world wants peace...what crap..! the author does not endorse war in any way and empathises with the families of the all those brave fools who willingly walked into machine guns...please dont declare war on us mr.bush...but violence as an art form needs to be explored a little more surely...hell, violence should be made a national sport..a legal drug..itd cure half the worlds problems..it might even prevent war...! imagine if all of us had a physical tangible way of venting our frustrations..have u ever wondered what it must feel like to smash ur feet into someones jaw..? to hear teeth breaking, muscle tearing..? have u ever experienced the thrill of beating somebody into submission..? to see them beg for mercy, shrivelling and bloody..? u spend the day in real life being bullied by MNCs and authority, by family and friends, by religion and morality...then u come home to ur alternate reality where u blow some steam off...beat ur personal punching bag to pulp, and get back at the world...violence..its the only way to go...next time ur sitting in a bar sick of life and torn up inside and someone eyeballs you, or walks into you, dont look away..look him (if its a her, its probably ur mother)straight in the eyes, and if he stares back, get off ur seat, walk up to him and ask him what the fuck hes staring at...ask him if his girlfriend still sleeps around...smash a bottle on his head...never mind if ur getting hit a lot more than he is, keep going..punch him till your fists hurt..kick and push and bite and struggle...dont stop till you see blood..when u do, take a deep breath and move in for the kill..uve got him now..blood upsets everyone and its advantage-you...ull come out feeling better,nevr mind missing tooth or broken bones or both...theres something inherently releasing, liberating about violence...ahimsa is a conspiracy...a psychological study of gandhiji will tell you he was a habitual wife-beater...or not...but what the fuck is he staring at..?

The Jeferson Airplane of Equality.......:

The Constituion has to be the most institutionalised form of hypocrisy yet! I think it was Thomas Jefferson who said, "all men are created equal." A phrase that went on to be imprinted in constitutions of countries all over the world, including our own. It was also the inspiration (even if he nevr admitted it) behind a radical new school of thought credited to the genius of Karl Marx. communism went its predicted way, and all men are still equal, in thoery anway. But if u think about it, do we really want to be equal? At the sound of sounding like a class-snob (which I am not) I say hell, no!
I took a bus home from work today evening; suffocating in the sweaty smelly crowded white elephant that is govt. transport, I took a good look around. Me and the great unwashed. A motley bunch of bashful perverts, drunks, fisher women, college students, and geriatrics. Standing on one foot, my hand gripping the support for dear life, (much like a meditative yogi, if you paint out the people from the picture), I thought, this is what it feels like to be equal. We all pay the same subsidised bus fare, and we travel at the mercy of the State-in its dilapidated buses over badly maintained roads, praying for divine intervention. But wait; if all men are equal that does not leave space for a God does it? Omnipotent, omniscient God? So theres no hope either then when we're all equal. And then awakening dawned. Proletarianism was a defence mechanism! A get well card with a twist designed for a miserable people! Think about it-nobody in their right minds would want to be equal, if they had a choice. Look around us-for all the developments in economic theory, there is still no better sales pitch than snob appeal (once you're done with essentials)We dont want to be equal, we'd all like to be one step ahead, we were just declared equal. Not that it makes us all equal, not even if we wanted it to. But its thrown inour faces everytime we rise above the cesspools of our lives and ask in Oliver Twist fashion, "may I have some more?" No! why not? Coz all men are created equal! Thats why- the govt will tell you-its wrong to aspire and dream, to hope, to want better. Because all men are created equal. We didnt ask for this equality, we dont want it now, but thats how it is-we were all created equal!Its the political version of the original sin-equality.
well im sick of these double standards. I pay for my ticket,just like evryone else, why the hell are all the seats taken before i even step foot on the bus? If some of us sit and some of us stand, where is the equality in that?Id like to sit n travel after my 9-5 job. If that means paying a couple of bucks extra, Ill gladly pay it. I dont want to be equal. I want a seat. I want a cushion under my ass, and floor under my feet. If thats too much to ask, then balls to you mr. jefferson.

Different Shades..................................................................................:

this is more of a question than an opinion..itd b nice if i cld get some responses too bad noone reads my blog..lol..anywys..i was just wondering...as a couloured people (to use a politically correct term) do any of u feel particularly disadvantaged..? lets forget economic development and colonial histories and things like that..the brits screwed us over n thats that...but as a new-generation indian, living in ur country or elsewhere...how important do u think ur colour is...? flip thru a magazine or watch a tv programme n ur bound to step over a couple of ads atleast for cosmetic products that supposedly make u fairer..most of my girlfriends moms pester them abt the importance of not going out in the sun or wearing colours that make them look fairer...i realize this is a personal issue but just how much of our aesthetic sense or ideal of beauty is defined by a post-colonial hangover? why the hullaboo abt being fair in a tropical country where sallow skin is but natural..a bit like supposedly jewish and carpenter jesus christ always being painted as an effeminate white man with etheral skin n flowing tresses...or the whole idea of mr. santa cluas from north pole so the roman catholic church could giv snow-crazy white kids something to relate to wt christianity -the white man wt gifts! but as rational liberated young minds how did v fall for it? as someone who has lived abroad, i admit (shamefully) that i have spent more than one gym hour wishing i werent so...so coloured..though i doubt id feel the same way now i wonder if v dont subconciously act along those pre-pubescent lines of thought..ok mebe we cn blame watching english televison on lack of good programmes in regional languages...western music on individual tastes..but how abt our tendency to sort of assume that anythng foreign is necessarily better..technologically, intellectually, culturally, in terms of 'coolness'? most of us dont even talk in out mother tongues..i hve very few close friends who handle thier mother tongues well..or claim not to be able to, i dont know...n surely, atleast once, v've all looked down on someone who cnt quite speak english wt the fluency we can..? but why, why does the english language or dressing like ur favourite rockstar make u better than somebdy who worships rajinikanth or reads tagore? do they not have the rights to individuality we demand? do they judge us too? im not blaming anyone seeing i am guilty as sin myself..but i cnt help wondering hw these things creeped into my system..i mean both my parents r very pro-mallu culture people..we've celebrated more onams than christmases..when did the rot set in..? is it really rot? do african people feel the same way abt thier blackness...? i think i started hating michael jackson wen he did his colour change thing..then he makes a song like 'black or white'! wt kind of an idea is being conveyed by a successful pop artist when he changes his skin colour the first million bucks he makes..? are v going to paint the sun n moon difrnt colours once nasa (there! why not an indian or egyptian scientist?) figures out how to...? im not sure; fair n lovely, anyone...?

Forbidden Love....................................................

so im coming back..like i alwys knew i would..not for good..but a day n a little more...but im coming bk arent i..? how ive missed u dear chennai...! wt ur sprawling nighttime roads..n toxic pollution of the day...all the clubs and bars and coffee shops i spent an eternity in...the typically jesuit-sparseness of my college...the school girls wt their dumb new fads n the yo-macha's with thier skull caps n shiny shoes...satyam cinema and 2 am exercises in gluttony at chulei medu thattukada...all the flats we wrecked havoc in n got kicked out of..christ i think i mustve lived in evry corner of the city in those three years...the city where i discovered love and hate...the city that taught me guile and aloofness...with ur gates alwys open to the adventurer...i know we've had ups n downs..how many times hav i cursed that place..? but in the end memories of chennai endure..something about the city thats so all-encompassing...so huge and inviting...addictive almost...it scares me to come back in fact..will i be caught in ur clutches again..? u will let me go wont u..? much as id love to , i cant afford to disintegrate agen...i cant waste away any more..i have a life to lead, obligations to fulfill, expectations to hold up...how i crave to turn my back on them and throw caution to the winds and be a boy again...! to stick my nails in to ur soul and go deeper underground...but i cant..i really cant...theres too much riding on me now..im not the wide-eyed naive 18 year old who came knocking on ur door long long ago...there will be no more binges and parties..ive realized that rapture is a myth..that firends dont last...that love will not restrict itself to petty fights and sweet surprises... im a long long way from there...ive reached this place where joints are smoked in the privacy of my bathroom, not egged on by a gang of red eyed hysteric potheads...i down my drink on the terrace, the evening (morning, noon, whatever) breeze on my back, blue skies receding into night and darkness...i cant spend entire mronings in bed, tracing breathing patterns on the breasts of my love...i have to wake up at seven and present myself in office...suffer the ignominy of having to answer to the boss...yes sir, no sir, wil do sir, yes tahts very funny sir, hahahha...there r no weekends..by saturday im so exhausted all i want to do is never take my ass off my couch, or my eyes off the television...ive moved on...i may not be over you yet but im trying...
so this is kind of a request...u have to let me leave..please..dont seduce me into staying...i hate what ive become..this closed little person.. but a lot of ppl r counting on me..inexplicably but so...see you soon...with love...

Of Cricket and Irvine Welsh......................................:
wow..i must b sadder tahn i thout..im home alone...n im sitting here blogging insted of a nitght out on the town..fuck me...im still high so that helps a little...having a discussion on chat wt another irvine welsh fan from somewhere...fuck tahts worse..im not even on the fone wt real people..im online!!! i dint realize 0 people r gonna read my bog though..i mena not tt i ahve a lot of riends or tt i write well but still..i thought someone mite have read one n left a note..lol..tt was pretty vain...reading ths book called china..the british library ahs ths way of making ur world shrink to its britishness doenst it..they dont stock any other books for fucks sake...i really dont have anythng tow rite abt anymore..lets all go to bed n try not kill ourselves then..blub blub...oh yeah rest of the world XXI lost the 3rd strt agme to australia..does nayone thing they were really badly planned? the teams i mean..if anyones into cricket startegy...yes i look more like harsha bhogle evryday...

Ramblings of A Stoner...................:
wow its been a while since i felt this good..today was an awesome day...went for a drive with mao..got stoned..n watcheda german movie (wt subtitles) on the breeaking down of the berlin wall...if this isnt perfection, i dont want a better one..even picked up a shirt for my dad...first salary n all..bunked office so im not looking forward to going on monday...but right now i dont wnat to think about it...i just wanna prolong this moment...me, my comp n my doors collection...so im savouring the last moments of my dying high...we too shall part sweet intoxication, much as id like to stay...the boring mundaneness of sobriety will envelop me like a pair of claustrophobic maternal arms...smother me in her grip...and i will suffer in silence...and long for u...for the vast expanses of ur alternate reality...the hazy realms we cruise together...the sublime orgasms of escapist copulation...the laid backness and space of our secret love affair...i can hear her knocking...shes knocking on my door...franctically now...she wants me back..shed rather let me die than ponder the possibilities of a life outside her world...shes kocking hader...i think shes going to break the door down...and my defences will crumble to dust...and the life in me will shrivel to the size of a brand new foetus...so she can lock me up again in her womb of security...and i will suffocate in protective fluid...kicking and screaming for air...praying for light...wont u hear me cry? wont u take rescue me from the depths of her misery? are u not a possessive lover..? or atleast a jealous one..? wont u ask for me back and lay ur claim on me..?
plant a kiss on my dry lips and grab me by my gut? with passion, with need and desire...? but those are things a platonic romance cannot afford arent they...? no, there will be no missing me...no cinematic running down the streets calling my name...no tear stained letters or sneaked phone conversations...i will simply have to come back for u...to u...where u wait in ur smoky liars..or a seedy pavement or the back seat of mao's car...and be urs again...lose myself in u...and i will come...theres no doubt about that...i will come looking for u..craving for a swim in the pools of ur darkness...and u will be my aqualung...my beautiful friend...how long, how long will we do this...? how long will we conceal our secret trysts? how long will we run and hide..? u must believe me daer baby...im not ashamed of our love...im scared...im scared of how they will judge me if they find out...? they will try to stop me from meeting u again...but u and i both know that would be too terrible...how would i survive without u...ur love is so addictive, ur soul so mysterious...u make me think and luagh and smile and cry...and i never even know what ur thinking...wt r u looking for in our relationship...? do u ahve plans for me? for us? or will u dicth me on the wayside like i did evryone for u...? or will u take me over? think and act and talk for me...till all of me dies with the nicotine we burn...? and u r left alone, my heart on a chain around ur neck like a meadal...one more conquest, one more life? one more brother, husband, father, orphan? is that what u plan for me...? i dont care my love..i trust in u...surely death cannot do us part? death cannot inttimidate me after everything uve taught me about existence...about the soul and its ways...but we must part ways now..if only temporarily...for the dawn is almost here...her light shining in my eye like a policemans flashlight...waking me up from beautiful slumber...ordering me back to my feet so i can bend over in respectful servitude...use me and abuse me...whip me and hurt me...rape me...rupture me till blood rushes out like my tears...she'll never let me die though...she likes too much to see me suffer...she'll consume me, little by little...till i become her and everything she wants me to be...and our re-unions will consist of rare five minute sneak-outs...paranoid with the fear of being discovered...in the sweaty embrace of ur love...till we meet again...yours truly...

Just Like The Movies..................
this is actually something my friend told me...ive always carried the same thought around in my head and i was surprised to find out that somebody else feels the same way...so i thought id post this and try n find out if anybody else does too...in her own words...

"...can i tell u smthn ive always felt.. every movie or book i read or see.. theres this thing i have. i feel it continues witout us knowing.. n i like to think every movie or book i see/read is like a glimpse into tht existence.. do u kno wat i mean .. as in somwher in the universe or smthn.. its goin on.. the lives of the ppl continue in tht world.. but we dont see it coz we're shut away from it.. almost like evry book/movie has a life of its own.. n thts y songs in movies are sad coz they indicate another life.. with its hopes n dreams n sadness n joys.. its soo sad. its heart wrenchingly nostalgically sad .. ! i can conenct wit it.. i can feel the sadness.. its weird.. "

ok this is a small part of an email she sent me so im not sure the whole idea is conveyed but i think ull get wht shes talking about...i for one really believe taht nothing ends with the hero n heroine walking away into the sunset or the villain getting shot in his balls...surely there's more...? surely the couple have a beautiful wedding ceremony and move to a beautiful little house in hawaii and have beautiful babies who turn out to be walking nightmares...or maybe thier marriage falls apart because the flat they share is too expensive and one of them hits the bottle, the other loses a job or a dear one... or the villain's son comes back for revenge and falls in love with the hero's girlfriend instead, stuck in a dilemna -shld he avenge his fathers death and grieve his love...? or something like that...i mean it cant just stop with 'the end' can it...? they must continue to live in thier own alternate parallel universes...living n breathing and loving and hurting and getting hurt...the show must go on after all..

Who Wants To Be A Rockstar...??
i hate to whine ( actually, i dont-theres no greater pleasure than self-pity) but did anyone happen to watch ' rockstar inxs'...? primetime television - watch talented younsters from all over the world compete to become the lead singer for inxs, a legendary band with extremely justifiable claims to rock n roll greatness...now, dont get me wrong...some of the participants were truly awesome...that australian guy who sang baby i love ur way deserves a recording deal on his own...im not sure who won, i lost interest half way through...but makes u wonder doesnt it...? a talent scout picking the lead singer for a legendary rock band...? in the presence of the esteemed band members of course, and dave navarro (dave fucking navarro!) playing host...but still...? did i just waste the best part of the last 21 years of my life on something that plastic...? is that what rock is all about...? wtvr happened to high school buddies jamming in garages... struggling bands fighting thier way into popularity playing cheesy clubs and local gigs...the ego clashes, the controveries, the attitude, the bedlam...the sex, the drugs, the sheer rock n roll of it...? would ozzy n morrison n hendrix command the same respect n awe if they had won their recording contract on a tv show...say american idol or fame gurukul...? i always thought the best part about rock is how it sets u apart...that connection, that one-ness u feel with another metallica-holic or purple-head...but is that the kind of demographic (culturally and intellectually) thats going to buy the new inxs album...? certainly, atleast a lion share of the new album's sales is going to come from teeny-boppers who watched the show...? hasnt tv taken away enough from us already...? our opinions our points of view, our selves...? does the entertainment industry need to take away rock n roll too...? or maybe i was wrong all along...maybe ozzy did perform in leather n boots for a bunch of pot bellied studio executives before sabbath made their first album...maybe some hot-shot MBA in mass communication and media told hendrix to take apart star-spangled banner and make it a symbol of things to come for an entire generation...maybe spice girls n backstreet boys are the original rockstars...or maybe rock is well and truly dead...

Part Time Lover........
...so this is what its come to then...this is what six months of thnakless work, bad pay, long distance romance and numerous watery coffees do to u...ur reduced to keeping online journals for solace...oh well...just another day in the life of sisyphus...
i guess the good news is i can chumma sign out n leave wen i want to...thats abt the only good thing the nets done for u isnt it...?people say its made the world a smaller place...wt its actually done is its made ur world smaller...ur oyster now consists of 20gb of music, a mouse and the cold embrace of the computer screen...n for the commitment-freaks ( a tv-term! did freud or ayn rand define commitment-freakism in any of thier psycho-analogy?), theres always the added enticement of a commitment free relationship...no messy breakups, no awkward bumping-into's at a common hang-out later...when u think uve had enough, when uve exhausted all ur possibilities, u simply disconnect...its as easy as that...technology and the introverted-its a marriage made in heaven...or frankenstein's lab...depending on how u choose to look at it...i have to say the arrangement suits me...dont take offence dear diary...but i will leave u one day...for the welcoming arms of love...or the nihilistic highs of mortality...but ull nevr complain will u ol' girl...? no u werent programmed to do that...u wouldnt miss me if i found somebody else...u wouldnt shed silent tears or scream or shout or reminisce over the good times we shared-solitaire sessions n pornography...u would simply move on...maybe place an ad for another lonely soul...but u know u'll get left behind again dont u...? so will i...ur advantage being closure (another tv-term! ironic isnt it?) while i beat myself up n dip myself in whisky or drugs begging to be taken back...no ud nver let urself be lowered to that...but im only human aftr all...truth be said, i think its been a lovely evening...the best as far as first dates go...u always know what ud like to order or wch movie ud like to see...none of that "u decide,, no no u decide, really" bullshit...n i love u for it...but in the words of joy divison..."love will tear us apart..." goodnite baby...