Ramblings of A Stoner...................:
wow its been a while since i felt this good..today was an awesome day...went for a drive with mao..got stoned..n watcheda german movie (wt subtitles) on the breeaking down of the berlin wall...if this isnt perfection, i dont want a better one..even picked up a shirt for my dad...first salary n all..bunked office so im not looking forward to going on monday...but right now i dont wnat to think about it...i just wanna prolong this moment...me, my comp n my doors collection...so im savouring the last moments of my dying high...we too shall part sweet intoxication, much as id like to stay...the boring mundaneness of sobriety will envelop me like a pair of claustrophobic maternal arms...smother me in her grip...and i will suffer in silence...and long for u...for the vast expanses of ur alternate reality...the hazy realms we cruise together...the sublime orgasms of escapist copulation...the laid backness and space of our secret love affair...i can hear her knocking...shes knocking on my door...franctically now...she wants me back..shed rather let me die than ponder the possibilities of a life outside her world...shes kocking hader...i think shes going to break the door down...and my defences will crumble to dust...and the life in me will shrivel to the size of a brand new foetus...so she can lock me up again in her womb of security...and i will suffocate in protective fluid...kicking and screaming for air...praying for light...wont u hear me cry? wont u take rescue me from the depths of her misery? are u not a possessive lover..? or atleast a jealous one..? wont u ask for me back and lay ur claim on me..?
plant a kiss on my dry lips and grab me by my gut? with passion, with need and desire...? but those are things a platonic romance cannot afford arent they...? no, there will be no missing me...no cinematic running down the streets calling my name...no tear stained letters or sneaked phone conversations...i will simply have to come back for u...to u...where u wait in ur smoky liars..or a seedy pavement or the back seat of mao's car...and be urs again...lose myself in u...and i will come...theres no doubt about that...i will come looking for u..craving for a swim in the pools of ur darkness...and u will be my aqualung...my beautiful friend...how long, how long will we do this...? how long will we conceal our secret trysts? how long will we run and hide..? u must believe me daer baby...im not ashamed of our love...im scared...im scared of how they will judge me if they find out...? they will try to stop me from meeting u again...but u and i both know that would be too terrible...how would i survive without u...ur love is so addictive, ur soul so mysterious...u make me think and luagh and smile and cry...and i never even know what ur thinking...wt r u looking for in our relationship...? do u ahve plans for me? for us? or will u dicth me on the wayside like i did evryone for u...? or will u take me over? think and act and talk for me...till all of me dies with the nicotine we burn...? and u r left alone, my heart on a chain around ur neck like a meadal...one more conquest, one more life? one more brother, husband, father, orphan? is that what u plan for me...? i dont care my love..i trust in u...surely death cannot do us part? death cannot inttimidate me after everything uve taught me about existence...about the soul and its ways...but we must part ways now..if only temporarily...for the dawn is almost here...her light shining in my eye like a policemans flashlight...waking me up from beautiful slumber...ordering me back to my feet so i can bend over in respectful servitude...use me and abuse me...whip me and hurt me...rape me...rupture me till blood rushes out like my tears...she'll never let me die though...she likes too much to see me suffer...she'll consume me, little by little...till i become her and everything she wants me to be...and our re-unions will consist of rare five minute sneak-outs...paranoid with the fear of being discovered...in the sweaty embrace of ur love...till we meet again...yours truly...