Forbidden Love....................................................

so im coming back..like i alwys knew i would..not for good..but a day n a little more...but im coming bk arent i..? how ive missed u dear chennai...! wt ur sprawling nighttime roads..n toxic pollution of the day...all the clubs and bars and coffee shops i spent an eternity in...the typically jesuit-sparseness of my college...the school girls wt their dumb new fads n the yo-macha's with thier skull caps n shiny shoes...satyam cinema and 2 am exercises in gluttony at chulei medu thattukada...all the flats we wrecked havoc in n got kicked out of..christ i think i mustve lived in evry corner of the city in those three years...the city where i discovered love and hate...the city that taught me guile and aloofness...with ur gates alwys open to the adventurer...i know we've had ups n downs..how many times hav i cursed that place..? but in the end memories of chennai endure..something about the city thats so all-encompassing...so huge and inviting...addictive almost...it scares me to come back in fact..will i be caught in ur clutches again..? u will let me go wont u..? much as id love to , i cant afford to disintegrate agen...i cant waste away any more..i have a life to lead, obligations to fulfill, expectations to hold up...how i crave to turn my back on them and throw caution to the winds and be a boy again...! to stick my nails in to ur soul and go deeper underground...but i cant..i really cant...theres too much riding on me now..im not the wide-eyed naive 18 year old who came knocking on ur door long long ago...there will be no more binges and parties..ive realized that rapture is a myth..that firends dont last...that love will not restrict itself to petty fights and sweet surprises... im a long long way from there...ive reached this place where joints are smoked in the privacy of my bathroom, not egged on by a gang of red eyed hysteric potheads...i down my drink on the terrace, the evening (morning, noon, whatever) breeze on my back, blue skies receding into night and darkness...i cant spend entire mronings in bed, tracing breathing patterns on the breasts of my love...i have to wake up at seven and present myself in office...suffer the ignominy of having to answer to the boss...yes sir, no sir, wil do sir, yes tahts very funny sir, hahahha...there r no weekends..by saturday im so exhausted all i want to do is never take my ass off my couch, or my eyes off the television...ive moved on...i may not be over you yet but im trying...
so this is kind of a request...u have to let me leave..please..dont seduce me into staying...i hate what ive become..this closed little person.. but a lot of ppl r counting on me..inexplicably but so...see you soon...with love...